Black Swan
by Lovethatalice
Summary: Bella has made a terrible, terrible mistake. The worst mistake of her life. But why does she find herself wishing she could make it again?
1. Chapter 1

**BLACK SWAN**

**Rating: M  
>Pairing: BellaAlice  
>Setting: Shortly after New Moon, in an alternate world<strong>

How could I let this happen?

I don't understand...how could I DO something like this?

This is seriously the worst thing I've ever done in my life. By far.

This may just be the worst thing anyone's ever done!

It's just so WRONG!

I feel sick. How could I do that to him?

I'm not even GAY.

His sister. His own SISTER. I'm sick. I'm disgusting.

I don't even really know how it happened...I mean, I've known her for years and I never thought of her that way. I never thought of any girl that way!

It was HIS fault though. If he wasn't such a frigid bastard I wouldn't have gotten so worked up and acted on it.

He should have just taken care of me like a REAL man should. Then this never would have happened.

I keep replaying it over and over...I don't know how it started. Why I didn't stop it. Why SHE didn't stop it.

We were just having a girl's movie night...like we always do. How did it go so wrong?

Let me back up a little.

Ok so I'm Bella, I'm eighteen and my boyfriend Edward is a vampire. We've been together about a year, well if you include the time he broke up with me and left me a shattered vegetable.

He came back though, or rather, Alice did (long story) and we're back together now. I've mostly forgiven him for leaving, and things are pretty good between us.

Except for one, big, glaring problem.

Edward refuses to ahh...how do I put this nicely? Take our relationship to the next level? Be more...physical?

The boy won't fuck me.

At first it was all sweet and everything. I was underage, he was a gentleman. It was actually really nice that he didn't want to take advantage of me, and I respected him for it.

But now...it's just plain frustrating. He gets in my bed with me, kisses me until I'm practically begging for it, then stops and says something condescending like "I don't want to hurt you."

I faced the VOLTURI for this guy and he's afraid to hurt me?

The more this goes on the more I think he's just not interested in me "that" way. He loves me, that much is obvious, but I wonder if he has confused his friendship love for me with romantic love, like my male best friend Jacob did. Now _that_ was just awkward.

Maybe Edward and I are meant to be more like best friends, like me and his sister Alice. She's my best friend, we go shopping (mostly against my will) and have movie nights when Edward is out hunting. We cuddle and hold hands and snuggle on my bed, and there's nothing more to it.

Well, at least there _wasn't. _Until one day it all went terribly wrong...

It was just going to be an ordinary movie night. Edward was having a hunting weekend with the boys, and as usual Alice was my babysitter. Edward was always so damn overprotective of me. It was sweet but well...sometimes a bit much.

Especially in the bedroom department.

Every night, Edward would come into my room and get me all worked up. Kissing, touching...then him pulling away when I was all hot and bothered. Then he expected me to just roll over and go to sleep all horny and uncomfortable in my wet pajama bottoms.

Then he'd be there in the morning, and I got a few minutes alone to get dressed and ready for school. Then it was a long painful day at school, I'd drive home and Edward would already be in my bedroom waiting for me.

Most teenage boys would be jumping on their girlfriend if they were alone in her bedroom while her father was at work. Most girls would be fighting him off while he insisted he was getting blue balls.

Edward and I were so backwards.

I'm not some kind of deviant, I swear! I'm just a normal teenage girl with a healthy curiosity, and a good looking boyfriend who won't go past first base.

I was getting increasingly sexually frustrated. Edward insisted on being with me day and night, and if he was away, then I had Alice by my side for girly sleepovers and shopping expeditions.

Not that I didn't love spending time with Alice, but the annoying thing was with the constant supervision, I wasn't able to erm...take _care_ of myself.

I kept looking for opportunities to sneak off alone and take care of the ever increasing ache between my legs. But with two vampires watching my every move, one of them with psychic abilities...well the opportunities were rare to say the least. Not to mention with their super hearing, it's not like I could just sneak into the bathroom and have a little self fun without them hearing me.

And me dying of embarrassment.

I'd even tried to talk to Alice about it. As my best friend I thought she could give me advice, since she was married and all she must know a thing or two. But when I asked about sex she'd just shrug and mumble it was overrated, painful and boring, then change the subject.

Sigh.

That night...THE night...I was almost crawling out of my skin. When Edward was saying goodbye to me in my bedroom he kissed me slow, the way I like, and I felt myself getting all warm and tingly.

"Since you're going away and I'll miss you, how about giving me a little more?" I whispered, trying my best to look seductive.

He gave me that fatherly look and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Now, now Bella. You know we can't. I will not risk your life that way."

"I'll take the risk!" I was almost begging, I knew it, but the throbbing between my legs was getting unbearable and I just wanted him to take it away.

"I will not put you in harms way for the sake of...sexual _relations_." He said the last two words with disdain.

Ugh! Did he have to be such a prude? He was such a goody goody! Did this boy have any sex drive at all? Was he even HUMAN?

Oh wait...no, he wasn't. Was that it? Did vampires not have sex drives? Alice didn't seem terribly interested in it either when I approached the subject with her. But no, according to the whole family, Emmett and Rosalie were like crazed Energizer bunny rabbits when it came to sex. So SOME vampires were getting some, it seemed.

After Edward left I checked the clock. It was 5:30pm, and Alice was due around 6. I had half an hour to get ready. Should I...

It was tempting, but it takes me a while to get myself off. That could mean I just get going when Alice arrived and have to stop...and worse, she could catch me in the act. And with her visions, she might actually see me doing it without even being there.

Oh hell no.

I blushed crimson at the idea of Alice catching me masturbate. Sure we were close but not THAT close! She wouldn't even give me sex advice, I doubt she'd take it well catching me rubbing one out.

Vampires were so old fashioned.

Grunting in frustration I decided to have a cold shower. I grabbed my towel and headed for the bathroom. I stood under the cold water cursing and sighing. Fuck my life.

After a few minutes I couldn't stand it anymore and shut the water off. Sighing dramatically I stepped out and stood in front of the full length mirror.

I was far from hot, but I thought I was ok. Skinny, which magazines tell us girls we are supposed to be...though I don't think I'm the good kind of skinny. I'm more boyish, zero curves and no boobs.

Some of the boys at school seem to think I'm cute, but clearly Edward doesn't. I guess I'm just not sexy enough for him.

I'm not that ugly though! I mean, ok, I am kind of plain with my dull brown hair and boring eyes. But I have a nice flat stomach, which I think is kind of sexy if I do say so myself.

Looking down further, and I was kind of glad Jessica and Angela dragged me to that beauty spa where I got the full bikini wax last week. I screamed like a motherfucker at the time, but I have to admit I enjoy the smooth feeling. I think I'll get it done again.

I stroke my hand over myself and sigh. With no hair and such straight hips it makes me look like a ten year old, but I do like the clean look of my brazilian. And god, I like touching it.

The only bad part of being completely bare down there, was that it put certain things on display that would normally be hidden. My poor neglected clitoris had swollen to several times its normal size, even after a cold shower I could still see it peeking out from between my lips like an angry red soldier.

"I'm sorry," I sighed. You know you're losing it when you talk to your clitoris.

Maybe I had time to just give it a little rub and ease some of the ache? Just a little rub? But no, Alice would arrive at any minute and as we already established - being caught tossing your own salad by your best friend = total humiliation.

Wrapping the towel around myself I went back to my room to get dressed. Alice is completely fashion obsessed and I am so not. I pulled my draw open and pushed aside all the little negligees and lingerie Alice had forcibly bought me in our many (painful) shopping trips and pulled out a plain white oversized tee. I knew she'd judge me for my boring choice, but I hated the ridiculously overpriced itty bitty garments she wanted me to wear. I'd tried wearing them for Edward and did nothing except humiliate myself in front of him. He didn't find it attractive at all and insisted I change into something "more appropriate."

My cheeks flamed from the memory as I tugged the tee over my head. I took out my most boring white knickers and reluctantly pulled them on, wincing as they grazed my still protruding and incredibly oversensitized clit. I immediately felt sticky and uncomfortable and wanted to rip the damn panties off and just fuck myself inside out. For hours.

This was gonna be a long night.

I was pretty much sulking on my bed when Alice appeared at the window. I waved her in and attempted to smile.

"Hey Bella!" she said in her usual cheerful voice, bouncing into my room. "What's up? You look kind of sad?"

"Hmm? Oh nah, I'm fine." I didn't see the point in telling her. It was embarrassing enough that I had my own little girl erection, which I wasn't even sure was normal. She didn't have to know I was a mess of hormones and falling apart. It wasn't like she would even understand. At least she hadn't said anything about my boring attire, that was something. She was of course wearing a cute little red ensemble of frilly knickers with some kind of camisole. I'm sure it was some frightfully expensive designer brand.

"Great!" she chirped. "For tonight's viewing pleasure, I have brought Black Swan! Have you seen it?"

"Uh, no, I heard it was kind of a mindfuck." Movies about ballerinas weren't high on my playlist.

"It is, but I love it so let's give it a try ok?" She smiled sweetly. I shrugged. There was no point arguing with Alice anyway. Once she made up her mind about something, it was her way or no way. Besides, nobody could stand up to those dimples.

Alice busied herself getting the DVD ready while I went downstairs to fix the popcorn. I stood at the microwave staring at the bag going round and round, trying to ignore the dull pain between my legs.

After the bag had puffed up and the popping stopped, I stood by the microwave staring into space. The whole thing sucked. It just sucked. I was all swollen and frustrated and there wasn't a goddamn thing I could do about it with Alice in the house.

Why couldn't I just be alone, for one night? I loved Alice, I adored her, but god I just wanted to be alone with my own hand for one night. Just one night.

"Bella? You ok?"

I snapped out of my reverie and found Alice standing in the doorway, a worried expression on her face.

"Oh...yeah. Just daydreaming!" I attempted a smile.

"Okay well bring the popcorn, the movie's ready!" she grinned back at me before dashing back to my room at vampire speed. I nodded, took the popcorn and put it in a bowl. I sighed again before slowly dragging my feet back to my room, silently giving myself a pep talk to at least try to enjoy the movie for Alice's sake. She didn't need to be dragged into my perverted problems.

I forced a smile on my face and walked in with the bowl. "Okay start the movie!" I said in my bubbliest voice.

"Yay!" said Alice and pressed play on the remote. She was already sitting on my bed with her legs crossed. I climbed in bedside her and she immediately snuggled into me. Alice is a snuggler. She says she likes how warm I am. She's pretty cold, but I don't mind. She's softer that Edward, and it's nice to cuddle with my bestie.

Alice took a piece of popcorn and placed it between her lips. Vampires can't eat, but Alice finds popcorn light enough she can stomach it. She enjoys licking the salt off, and once her venom has dissolved it enough she can swallow it. It's nice to not feel like I'm eating it alone, which I do when I'm with Edward.

The movie started out ok, a story of a dull ballerina trying to get a part in Swan Lake. I could see why Alice liked it. She's kind of a ballerina herself.

I was getting wrapped up in the movie, almost forgetting the discomfort between my legs until the director guy asked Natalie Portman to go home and touch herself. Instantly the fire returned and I found myself shifting uncomfortably in my already slightly damp panties. Alice just hugged me a little tighter, nuzzling her face in my neck as she always does.

Normally it wouldn't even bother me; it's cute when she does that. But in my current state it was only adding to my arousal, although I certainly didn't think of her that way. Just having someone touching me was getting me all stimulated against my will.

It got worse. Much worse. Poor Natalie Portman kept trying to masturbate but kept getting interrupted. Oh boy did I understand her pain. And they friggin SHOWED her doing herself!

It was too unbearable. I excused myself to the bathroom where I stood running my hands through my hair in aggravation, almost pulling it out. Why the HELL did Alice have to choose a movie featuring the ONE thing I wanted most in the world? I couldn't believe I actually had to watch Natalie Portman playing with herself when all I could think of was plunging my hand into my pants and rubbing myself into oblivion.

I yanked off my soaked panties in annoyance and kicked them away. They were too damn uncomfortable to keep on. My shirt was long enough I didn't need them anyway. Alice wouldn't know.

Losing the underwear did provide some measure of relief, since the cool breeze blowing up my shirt as I walked helped cool down the raging inferno in my hot wet pussy. It did nothing to ease the ache however, and I slowly made my way back to my bedroom feeling slippery between my thighs with each step. Hopefully there would be no more masturbation scenes in this movie or I would lose my mind.

Alice immediately nestled back into me when I got back in bed. I prayed she could not smell my arousal with her vampire senses. God, what she must think of me. Crazy human sex maniac.

Just when I thought the movie couldn't get any worse, Natalie Portman had sex with Mila Kunis.

Now, I knew what lesbians were obviously, but could honestly say I'd never considered sex with a woman in my LIFE. It had just never occurred to me to think of another girl that way, and just wasn't on my list of things to even think about, let alone TRY.

But wow, watching those two kiss and touch each other...my god. Now I understood why it was every man's fantasy. When Mila put her head between Natalie's legs and went down on her, I almost came right there. For all my sex fantasies, I'd never really thought about oral sex before. And I found myself thinking of how incredible that would feel to have it done to me. And then I thought about doing it to someone else...of doing it to a girl. The thought sent a jolt through my clit and made my pussy clench. I wriggled and twisted from the pain of it.

I was suddenly painfully aware of Alice's body pressed up against mine. And even though I'd always thought of her as a sister, I found myself thinking of her in a very unsisterly way. I found myself wondering about her vampire body...did everything work the same as a human? Do the same things feel good to her? Do vampire girls get wet..._can_ they get wet? Did she have the same equipment as me? Does she even have a clitoris and does it get all swollen when she's excited like mine does?

Just the thought of Alice having a clitoris sent a flood of wetness into the sheet below me. This was insane. I looked down, and to my absolute horror I had subconsciously spread my legs wide so that one was resting on Alice's thigh. Worse still, my shifting had caused my shirt to ride up to my stomach leaving my naked pussy glistening in full view, the light from the TV flickering across my wet lips. My already ridiculously oversized clit was now so engorged it was standing up literally like a sore thumb. I had never seen it that size before.

In embarrassment I quickly tried to close my legs, but Alice was faster. Her hand shot out and held my leg in place over hers. I looked at her in shock, but she was staring intently at the screen, absorbed in the movie. Did she mean to do that?

I was mortified, soaking wet, spread wide open and didn't know whether I'd die first from humiliation or sexual frustration.

Her hand, which had started just above my knee, began to slowly move up. I turned to her again, not understanding what she was doing. She was still engrossed in the movie, her face showing no awareness of what was going on. Was she so into the movie she didn't realize what she was doing, just like I didn't when I opened my legs?

Her hand continued to slide up my leg, painfully slowly, inch by inch until her hand was at the top of my thigh. I almost stopped breathing when her finger began to stroke the part where my thighs met, not quite my pussy but just beside it.

Alice continued to watch the movie with a serene expression on her face. It was like she had no idea what her hand was doing.

I was in agony. I thought my clit hurt _before_. Now it was throbbing intensely. I wanted to burst out of my skin. This was cruel, the worst kind of torture I could endure, yet I didn't ask her to stop. In a sick way I was enjoying it, even though I knew at any minute she would come to her senses and we would both be so ashamed we'd never be able to speak again and our friendship would be over.

Not to mention her mindreading brother who would find out and most likely kill her.

Or her emotion sensing husband who had already tried to kill me once before.

These were all good reasons to tell her to stop, or at least get out of the damn bed. But I didn't move, reluctantly enjoying her fingers tracing tiny circles on my inner thigh.

Then her hand moved up, and she caressed the top of my pussy in her hand quite hard. She was still watching the movie but there was no way she didn't know what she was doing!

I gasped. Oh my it felt good. Then her hand slid down, and her finger slid between my lips. She knew what she was doing. She had to know what she was doing! I stared at her in complete shock as she began to play with me, just around my entrance. She didn't acknowledge me, or turn her face from the movie. Without even meaning to, my hips began to press themselves into her fingers, urging her on.

Taking that as a sign of encouragement she pressed a finger inside me lightly, not very deep. Perhaps she was waiting to see what I would do, I didn't know. Her expression gave me nothing as she gazed straight ahead. This time quite consciously, I pushed my hips further into her hand, taking her finger a little deeper, watching her face for any sign that she wanted this.

Her face revealed nothing, however she pushed her finger further into me and added a second. I gasped audibly and shifted against her.

Alice Cullen was inside me.

Oh god, her fingers penetrating me was the most amazing feeling I had ever experienced. I'd never had anything inside me before. It felt good. So good. Her hand was cold, yes, but not in an unpleasant way. The coolness of her fingers was soothing the unbearable heat inside me.

She held her two fingers inside me for a moment, as if to just feel me, then began to withdraw them.

NO! my mind was screaming. No, no, please god no, don't let her stop. Don't let her stop!

She pulled her shining fingers from my body then looked down at them, rubbing her thumb and forefinger together in my juices and frowning slightly. She still did not look at me.

I wanted to scream. Sob. Break something. Why was she doing this to me? I sat there trembling in a pool of my own wetness, exposed and throbbing in the worst pain of my life. When did Alice become so fucking cruel?

She looked at her hand a few more moments, then oh merciful lord, she returned her hand back where it was, sliding her fingers right into my aching sex. I cried out from the pure satisfaction of having her filling me again. Those few moments had been excruciating.

Her fingers began to withdraw again. I dry sobbed with the frustration. But this time she pulled out then pushed straight back in. Then out again, and back in, deeper this time. I thought I would pass out from the sheer pleasure of it. I began to moan, right out loud. I wanted her to know I liked it. I wanted her to know I never wanted her to stop, no matter how wrong it was.

The louder I got the more I was silently glad my dad Charlie was on a fishing trip and would not hear this, because that would be some explanation.

I didn't know why Alice Cullen - my best friend, and boyfriend's sister - was fingering me, but there was not much rational thought left in my mind. The only thing that existed was Alice and her beautiful cool fingers deep within me, fucking me senseless.

I wanted to come. I hoped she would let me come. I felt like I would die if she didn't. When she extracted her fingers from my body again, I literally howled at the loss.

But then, oh god – I felt something cold brush against my poor tender clitoris, which had been begging for attention all day. She played with the tip lightly, not really touching it but just teasing it with her fingertips. I cried and tried to thrust myself into her hand. She still did not react, continuing to peacefully watch Black Swan.

I on the other hand was anything but peaceful. Writhing and bucking against her hand, trying desperately to get her to make contact with my clit. If there was any doubt in her mind that I wanted this, it had to be shattered by my shameless moaning and attempts to get her to just masturbate me already.

Then – oh sweet Jesus – her fingers finally pressed down on my clit. She began to rub it in circles, gently at first then steadily increasing the pressure. I pushed myself into her hand, losing total control of my hips as she gave me the most incredible pleasure I had ever had in my life. Touching myself was nothing compared to this. Nothing.

I gasped, panted, moaned – I needed release and I needed it now. Her fingers massaged my clitoris faster and faster as I struggled to breath. I was gushing wetness, sweating profusely, as I flailed around, searching for something to grip onto.

Then I felt it. Beginning deep inside me, the most intense pressure I'd ever felt before. Something was building within my core, and it was big. Alice increased her force on my clit, working it hard, pushing me closer and closer. I suddenly stopped breathing – then screamed. I screamed like I had never screamed in my life. An explosion of pleasure ripped through my body sending wave after wave right through me, beginning in my sex and rocketing through my entire body. Even my fingertips, my lips...even my hair felt like it was coming.

It seemed to last forever. When I made myself come I gave myself small shuddering orgasms that lasted maybe a few seconds. This climax went for several minutes, subsiding at times then increasing in intensity again until I screamed myself raw.

Finally, finally I came down from my high. I gasped for air, my chest heaving as I urgently tried to breath. Alice's fingers gradually slowed down. She continued to stroke me gently as I came back to earth. Then she took her hand back, picked up the remote and stopped the DVD. The movie had ended some time during my orgasm.

"Great movie huh?" She finally turned to me. I was lying there flushed, legs splayed wide open, shimmering in my own cum, still trying to breath – and she asks me about the movie?

"Uh huh," I nodded back at her in disbelief.

"You look tired," she said in a motherly tone. "Time for the human to go to sleep I think!" She shut the TV off, sending the room into darkness.

"Night Bella! Sleep well, see you in the morning."

I couldn't even respond.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been two weeks since Alice and I...well..._you know..._and I've been racked with guilt ever since.

I cheated on my boyfriend...well was it cheating? Does it count as cheating if you let someone finger you? Technically I didn't do anything except sit there.

I didn't exactly STOP her...but I didn't _ask_ her to do it either.

I regret it, I feel guilty...yet I can't seem to stop myself from replaying the whole thing in my mind. The way she touched me...the way she made me come harder than I ever had in my life.

And oh, the relief she gave me. For the next few days that dreadful ache went away, and the awful swelling in my clit went away and it finally returned to normal human size. That I was grateful for. I was starting to feel like some kind of freak down there!

And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't quite let go of the regret that I didn't do anything to her. I couldn't stop the thoughts of how it would feel to touch her, to make her feel good...to taste her. And when I think like that, the ache comes right back.

Alice for her part, has continued to act completely normal around me. The next day was like nothing happened, I woke up to her prancing around the kitchen making me pancakes. She has not so much as _hinted_ that anything happened that night. We still sit at the same table in the cafeteria, she still forces me on hideous shopping trips...nothing has changed between us.

I was certain Edward would have found out by now. But it seems Alice must have been able to hide her thoughts about our...you know...because Edward has not said a word or acted strange toward me. And we all know how Mister Boring would feel about his girlfriend having lesbian sex with his sister.

It's weird, it's almost like it never happened. Sometimes I think I must have dreamed it. I mean that would totally make sense, right? Maybe I fell asleep in the movie and in my oversexed state, I had a wet dream about Alice.

Yeah, that works.

It never happened. Never happened. If I say it often enough, it will be true.

I can make myself believe that for a little while. But it happened. My mind could not make something like that up. It happened, I don't know why it happened, but it did.

And I liked it.

"Hello, darling."

I almost jump out of my skin. Edward is beside my bed, smiling that patronizing smile of his. Damn sneaky vampires!

"How was your day, my love?" he asks.

"Fine," is all I answer.

Edward's voice has started to grate on me. Everything he does bothers me. All this time he insisted we couldn't have sex because he might lose control and kill me...but Alice just showed me it IS possible. There was no genuine reason we couldn't be having sex, he was just a giant prudish bore.

I should feel guilty...I do feel guilty! But it's hard to feel too bad when I blame him for the whole thing. If he wasn't so straight laced maybe we could have a normal sex life and I wouldn't have raped his sister's hand!

Okay that was exaggerating it a little. But everything that happened that night was All. His. Fault.

Edward sits down at the edge of my bed and leans in towards me.

"Now, shall we?" he smiles. I return the smile but I'm not sure I'm feeling it. I'm not sure I even want him to kiss me. Do I? This is weird...usually I'm holding back from pouncing on the boy.

To be honest, Edward's kissing isn't really doing it for me like it used to. Thoughts of Alice keep invading my fantasies. What has happened to me? Am I a lesbian now? Can you just become a lesbian when you're eighteen? Aren't you born that way?

As Edward kissed me I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to kiss Alice. Would she have to pull away like he does? Alice seems a lot stronger than him. I bet she could kiss me for more than a few minutes at a time.

My thoughts drifted once more to Alice's body and how it all worked. I still found myself wondering if vampire bodies worked the same as human ones. Edward seemed to be some kind of sexless android. Did he even have boy parts? I mean, does the vampire process leave everything in tact?

I found myself getting very curious. I wanted to know what he had down there. I surreptitiously lowered my hand to his waist, hoping he wouldn't notice. He didn't, and kept kissing me. I traced my finger around his belt...then unzipped him and shoved my hand into his pants fast enough that even his vampire reflexes weren't ready to stop me.

He let out a shriek that could only be described as "teenage girl at a Jonas brother concert" and literally flew across the room, hitting the wall. "BELLA! That was highly _inappropriate_!" He was absolutely aghast, like an old woman who saw a Playboy magazine.

Inappropriate? It's inappropriate for a girl to touch her own boyfriend?

"Bella I think it's only proper that I go home for awhile until you...cool down," he said as he zipped himself back up, still looking horrified.

"Whatever," I muttered.

"I'll pick you up for school tomorrow. I will expect that you will be able to keep your hands to yourself." With that he flounced – yes I said flounced – off and left through the window.

Gah, he was such a condescending prick!

I sat on my bed stewing for a few minutes. I can't believe I spent months of my life depressed over him. What did I even see in Edward? He's just a weird 109 year old virgin. How lame is that?

Now I'm sitting here alone in my room when I should be...

Wait. Does this mean I am alone? Like...actually _alone_?

Oh hell yes.

I practically leap from my bed and slam the window shut. I yank the curtains so hard I almost rip them off and jump back into bed.

I can barely contain my excitement, and only momentarily consider the fact that it's a tad pathetic that I am this worked up over getting a chance to masturbate.

I push that thought aside. This is gonna be good.

I exhale and try to relax myself. I don't want to think about what just happened with Edward and what it means for our relationship future. Instead I reach for my left breast and stroke my nipple, just trying to get myself in the mood.

It's wonderful to be able to do this. I should molest Edward more often if it means I get this alone time. Who knew that was the one way to get rid of him?

Ok enough Edward. He's killing the mood.

I lower my hand and caress myself between my legs, over my shorts. I'm gradually getting a little warmer in anticipation of the orgasm I plan to give myself. I open my legs to give myself better access.

When I feel ready, I slip my hand into my shorts and stroke my newly waxed pussy. I got it done yesterday, and am I ever glad I did. I love the smooth silky feeling as I glide my hand over myself. I want to give myself a little more, so I run my finger along my slit. I'm a little wet now, and I dip my finger into the dampness.

I can't help but recall how Alice's slim fingers felt inside me. I push a finger into myself, something I haven't done before. It's nice, but not the same as when _she_ did it. I pump my finger in and out, hoping to recreate some of the feelings she gave me. It's not really doing it for me like I thought it would.

I give up on that idea and go back to my old faithful, rubbing my clit. I work it in circles, how I always like it, and wait for my impending orgasm.

Something's just not working for me. It always takes awhile but it's really not happening this time. My wrist is getting tired and I'm no closer to climax. My own hand just feels like nothing compared to Alice's.

I want HER. I want her to be doing this for me. I feel a flood of wetness between my legs at the thought of Alice touching me again. I found myself wishing she was here in my bed, doing this for me.

Oh Alice. How could one night change so much? I was a straight girl in love with my boyfriend. Now...I feel irritated by him, I'm fantasizing about women...what did she _do_ to me?

And now my favorite pastime is just not doing anything for me anymore! I can't come without her!

I can't forget how she made me feel. I move my hand faster over myself, trying to convince myself Alice is here. I pretend my hand is hers as I start flicking my clit back and forth, since the circles just aren't working.

I want her to touch me again. I want to touch _her. _I want to know if her body would react to my touch. I want to know what makes her feel good. Do vampires need it harder than humans? Would she like it if I touched her nipples? I knew she _had _breasts obviously, I'd felt them pressed against me many times when she was spooning me in bed. I'd never really paid attention before. I just knew that they were unnaturally hard, like everything else in a vampire's body.

That got me immediately to thinking about Alice's clitoris. Again. Was her clit hard like the rest of her? Would it bring her pleasure if someone touched it? Licked it?

Oh god. My own clit sprang to attention at that thought. I can see it starting to poke itself out again and I shove my shorts down my legs and get back to work after tossing them across the room. I swirled my finger around my clit faster and faster, watching it grow.

Was it normal to be this obsessed with clits? Because twenty minutes ago I had Edward's penis in my hand and it did nothing for me. Nothing. But the thought of Alice's clit sends me insane.

I think there is the distinct possibility that I may be gay.

Thinking of Alice on my bed, her legs spread wide for me, while I lick her makes my hips jerk upwards into my own hand. I flip myself over onto my stomach, just like Natalie in Black Swan. I thrust hard over my hand, like I'm riding it.

I put more pressure on my clit. I'm close now. I think of putting my tongue inside her and it sends me over the edge. I smash my face into my pillow and let it muffle my shriek as I come all over my hand.

Whew. That was the best orgasm I ever gave myself. Not even close to the one Alice gave me, but pretty damn good.

So...does this make me _gay_?


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks to my girls MyTwiDreams and Skittlez for all the lady boners! This chapter is for you._

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I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. A. Lesbian.

This is a small town. I go to a small high school. I cannot be gay! I'd be the talk of the town.

I most definitely cannot be gay with my vampire boyfriend's vampire sister. Gah, even _saying_ it sounds ridiculous!

I am not _gay_; I have a boyfriend, a very nice boyfriend. So I experimented with a girl? Big deal. Lots of straight girls mess around and it doesn't make them _lesbians_.

Whatever, I got a little over excited that one time. It doesn't mean anything.

So what if Alice is coming over tonight. So what if this will be our first girls night since we...you know.

It will not happen again.

I have made up my mind, it won't happen, it was a mistake and something that never should have happened. Yes, I liked it, yes I fantasized about it every night since...including while getting myself off...but it was a one time deal.

I love my boyfriend and I'm not cheating on him again. Period.

Just to be sure I don't get all worked up again, I even made sure there was enough time between Edward leaving and Alice's arrival so I had time for a little self fun.

Okay, _maybe_ it didn't go so well. I tried to do myself in the shower but it just wasn't happening. No matter how hard I rubbed I couldn't quite get myself there.

I thought of Edward, I thought of him naked and making love to me. And I LIKE thinking about sex with Edward because I'm NOT GAY. It just didn't work for me because...I was distracted or tired or...something.

It doesn't mean anything that I couldn't even get myself wet thinking about him! Nothing at all! It's not like thinking about Alice would have made me wet. I know, because I refused to think about her.

Because I'm not gay.

I finally gave up on masturbating, since I clearly was not in the mood which was a good thing, because I didn't want to be horny when Alice arrived. Not that it matters, because nothing is going to happen tonight, got it?

Just a nice, normal movie night between two girlfriends.

TWO UTTERLY STRAIGHT GIRLFRIENDS WHO ARE NOT "GIRLFRIEND GIRLFRIENDS."

Am I rambling?

No, I'm not.

Hmm, what to wear. I rummage through my underwear drawer and pull out one a teeny tiny little gold silk nightie thingie. I believe Alice calls this a "chemise," not that I pay attention to any kind of clothing that is not checkered shirts, torn jeans and Converse Allstars.

Wait, did that make me sound gay? Not all lesbians wear check shirts, torn jeans and Chucks. And many very very straight girls wear them too!

I'm a girl, I can be feminine! I think I'll wear this little thing. Not because I want Alice to find me attractive...no! I just think it might be nice to wear something girly for a change.

I drop my towel and tug the tiny slip of fabric over my head. I stand in the mirror and admire myself. Oh wow...this doesn't leave much to the imagination does it? I can see my nipples peeking out through the thin material, and it's so short if I bend over...well you can imagine.

_I hope Alice will like it._

No! Not like that! I mean I hope she'll be happy I'm finally wearing one of the stupid outfits she bought me. Not because I want her to find me attractive. Not. At. All.

I decide against underwear since...I'm just more comfy without them. Not because I want to give Alice easy access, stop thinking like that!

Nothing. Is. Going. To Happen.

I've already practiced what I will say if Alice decides to get a little frisky with me again.

"Alice, I'm flattered, but I have a boyfriend. This is not appropriate behavior. I'll thank you to keep your hands to yourself. We are friends and nothing more."

PERFECT.

I practise over and over what I will say, and by the time Alice appears in my window I am cool and calm. I know exactly what I will say to her if anything happens again, I've made up my mind, we're having a movie night like we always have before. End of discussion.

"Hey Bellaaaa!" she says perkily as she prances into my room. "Ready for girls night?

I nod enthusiastically. So far nothing seems unusual. Well, of course this was exactly how the last movie night started but that is completely irrelevant.

"Heyyy, you're finally wearing some of your nice lingerie! It's about time." She gives me an approving once over.

I shrug. "I had nothing else and since you spent a fortune on this crap, I may as well try it out."

"Well it looks very nice on you." She sounds pleased, but not in a sexy way or anything.

Which is good, because it's not like I wanted her to think I was sexy.

"What are we watching?" I ask.

"It's a Swedish movie, it's called Show Me Love. I hear it's really good."

"Swedish? Ughhh do we have to watch subtitles?" I complained.

"Yes," she said, in that tone Alice gets where she will brook no argument.

"But Alice! Swedish movies are always such a mindfuck!"

"Yes, most likely, but let's give it a try ok?" She was already putting it in the DVD player.

"I'll go get the popcorn," I grumbled. I headed down the stairs muttering under my breath about her bossiness.

"I can hear you!" she called after me.

Stupid bossy Alice. Well, at least things were normal between us, our typical banter and disagreeing over the movie. No sexual tension, no awkwardness...

Wait. Didn't it start like that last time? In fact...didn't the entire conversation we just had pretty much go the exact same way last girl's night?

I was having serious déjà vu as the microwave beeped and I took the popcorn out. Oh this was all too familiar and it was freaking me the fuck out. Everything was happening exactly as it did last time, when we..._you know_.

No. No, this was stupid. I have made up my mind that nothing will happen tonight, so nothing will happen. I'm being stupid.

I hurry up the stairs before Alice can come looking for me. There. Now the déjà vu is gone. Last time she came down to get me, this time she didn't...so now we won't have sex.

Like my logic?

Alice was already in my bed on top of the covers. I perched on the farthest edge of the bed I possibly could, so that we weren't touching, and got under the blankets. That way there would be no funny business. I wedged the bowl of popcorn between us just to be sure.

Alice started the DVD while I muttered about subtitles in between bites of popcorn.

"Oh shush you," she said and settled back with her single piece of popcorn between her lips.

I sighed and tried to enjoy the movie. Well at least this wasn't too weird, a teenage movie about a girl who has a crush on another girl...

Wait . Is this movie about LESBIANS?

Oh come _on_.

Annnd, of course, there has to be a scene where she puts her hands down her pants while looking at a photo of the girl she likes.

And to my horror, my body started responding against my will. Traitor! My nipples are hard against the soft silk of my chemise, and that persistent tingling has begun between my legs again.

I push it out of my mind. The thought of lesbians does nothing for me! This is just teenage hormones, all very normal.

At least this movie isn't full of sex like Black Swan, apart from the little masturbation scene. It's rather sweet actually, Agnes an ordinary unpopular teenage girl in a small town, in love with the popular girl Elin.

But, still the theme of the movie is messing with my head. Making me think things I should not think.

I look down at my legs and I can see shimmers on my thighs. I'm soaked. There's a little bulge in the material of my chemise...is that? Yes it is. My little friend Lady Boner has popped up to say hello.

I twist around in the bed, making little frustrated grunts but Alice does not react or pay any attention to me.

_Watch the movie. Do not think about sex._

I am too hot under the blankets. I kick them off in frustration. Alice doesn't appear to notice.

I am so wet I can smell my own arousal. And I know Alice's heightened senses can smell it too.

By the time the movie is over the sheets are a mess and I have just about twisted myself inside out.

She shuts off the TV and turns to me. "See? It wasn't so bad. Not too mindfucky for you?"

Mindfucky? No the real mindfuck comes from the girl who gave me a hand job for absolutely no reason while refusing to look at me or show any emotion, and who now just acts like nothing ever happened and ignores me now while I writhe around in a puddle of my own arousal?

But I don't say any of this. "Yeah it was a nice movie," is all I respond.

Alice flicks the light switch. "Night Bella!"

It's really not happening. I should be happy! I didn't want anything to happen.

But if I'm really honest with myself, I did. I did want Alice to touch me again. I did wear the chemise because I hoped she would think I was sexy.

I roll over, turning away from her and pull the covers around me. This is so messed up.

I related to Agnes in that movie a little more than I should. I knew how she felt. I knew what it was like to have feelings for a girl. I can't deny it.

Watching Agnes finally get to kiss Elin made my heart clench. I wanted Alice to kiss me. I want her to want me, to think I am sexy. I know I'm not but I want her to feel that way about me...like I feel about her.

I don't know what made her do what she did last time. I don't know why she sat there so emotionless. Was she just teasing me? Did she just want to see what I would do? Did she go back and tell Rosalie and have a good laugh at my expense? The sad little horny human who lost control at the slightest touch.

I'm not sexy. I'm not attractive to anyone even my own boyfriend. And the one person who made me feel good for one night pretends it never happened.

I feel tears pricking my eyes. I will not cry I will not cry I will not cry. She will hear me no matter how quiet I try to be. And I don't want to explain that I'm crying because I feel so unwanted, and that I wished more than anything else in the world that she was going to make love to me tonight.

I feel a cool breeze on the back of my neck. I wonder if I left the window open for a moment before I realize it's Alice's breath. A cool arm wraps around me. I sigh. She wants to cuddle I guess. Now is not the greatest time but I let myself enjoy being in her arms. Her other arm slides under me, pulling me to her.

I feel her cool lips press against my neck and I gasp a little. Does she know how much this teasing gets to me? I want to tell her to stop, to leave me alone, but I can't. I savor every moment and take whatever she is willing to give me.

Then I feel something brush against my nipple and I jolt. Did she...? I wait, tense in her arms.

_Touch me Alice. Touch me. Touch me._

There. Again her finger brushes my nipple. I didn't imagine it. I lean back into her, trying to silently convey that I want her to continue.

She takes my nipple between her fingers. Yes. Yes, that's what I wanted. She strokes it softly, squeezing it gently. I mewl and push my hips back toward hers.

_I want more Alice. Please give me more._

The arm that is under me is playing with my breasts, the other arm slides around, gliding over my stomach, then over my hip, then around to my backside.

This is happening. It's really happening isn't it? She's going to make love to me again. I can't even describe the feeling. I want her more than my own life.

Her right hand tweaks my nipple as it strains against the material of my chemise. Her left hand caresses my ass as I rock slightly against her.

_More, more, I need more_.

I feel her fingers trace the lacy edge of the chemise. Slowly she begins to drag it up until it is around my waist. Then her hand goes back to caressing my ass. Skin on skin this time, and it feels amazing. I grunt into my pillow and push my hips backwards again.

With her right hand, she tugs down the strap of the nightie leaving my left breast exposed. Her cool fingers go back to work my now bare nipple. Oh god.

Her left hand slides between my legs from behind. I arch against her. I know she finds me wet and ready for her. I can feel her fingers probing my entrance which is no doubt dripping against her hand.

Then...oh yes...two of fingers start to enter me. I groan as I feel myself stretching around her. There is no greater feeling than Alice inside me. No matter how many times I tried to do it myself, this was what I needed.

Alice pushes and pulls her fingers in and out of me, increasing the pace when I moan. My hips have a mind of their own as they rock back and forth into her hand. I want this to go on forever.

It's so good, so good, but I want her to touch my clit now. It's throbbing painfully and I am almost ready to start begging.

_Please Alice. Please._

The hand on my nipple begins to slide down, down, over my stomach then she cups me firmly between my legs. This time I cry out loud. I try to open my legs for her, which is hard while lying on my side. Her fingers find my hopelessly engorged clit and she takes it between her thumb and forefinger while her other hand continues to pound into me with two fingers.

I'm gripping the pillow and grinding my face into it as she rolls my clit between her fingers, pinching and pulling at it. The hand that is inside me starts fucking me harder and harder until I am clenching around her fingers and sobbing hysterically. This feels too good. I can't stand it.

She tugs at my clit harder as I smash myself into her hand. I'm close. I'm so close. I slam my hips backwards, squeeze my inner muscles hard around her fingers, and come.

Beginning at my clit, then deep within my pussy, the orgasm rockets through me. I scream and bite the pillow, thrashing while Alice's strong arms hold me against her.

"Alice, Alice...OH GOD!" I scream over and over. It feels like my clit will explode from the sheer pleasure of it all. My orgasm seems to last forever, just like the last time.

I scream so hard I see stars, then drop back into my pillow.

Then everything goes black.


End file.
